I'm.....Happy??

Let me start off saying I'm happy for my mom.

I can hear her talking to Doc (let's call him that) in the other room. She's smiling more than usual and such.

Being the eldest, I like to think I know what my mom goes through and how hard it is to be a single parent.
She's been through a LOT in the past 17 years since her divorce, and I guess it is time she found someone.

On the other hand....

She mentioned she is going to Seattle with Doc.
Doc and mom are going to Seattle, and as soon as I heard the news I couldn't help but stop smiling.

No, not because I'm unhappy for her or anything; out of everyone in the entire world my mom deserves to be happy. And I am happy that she's happy.


It's just hard to not remember some promises he made I guess.
"Maybe we can go to Seattle during reading break, that would be nice right? You have to tell your family about me first though!"



I went into my room after and I did something I thought I never would do at this time:

I hugged Chopper.

Damn, I love Chopper way too much. He better not have ruined him for me.

Chopper, along with everything that reminded me of him I put aside in a corner for the time being.

I left it there for a week or so, thinking this is the best way to keep the good memories but move on.

I even took my cell phone straps off (the good luck charm and the Chopperman strap from Japan) to prove myself I don't need constant reminders of the past. 

Then today, after this, I had this overwhelming feeling of needing to express how I felt.

How did I feel?

I felt crappy. :-(

Crappy because something so great ended and I couldn't do anything. 

But Seattle......really......

And for the first time in a while, I had tears in my eyes. 

I just couldn't believe every promise he made, Doc was making the same promise. 

Can't I just take my heart out and just hand it over to someone for now so I don't have to feel this way?

This is my heart I guess. It's not broken, but it has a cut. Boo.

Ok seriously. Enough being emo and such.

Time to go study some more and ace this midterm!!!!! :)